How often have you scrolled through Sunday magazines, flipped through the social pages, seen the very same people in EVERY damn event and wondered “Yaar, what is this?”… I have and it just makes me sad and then as a result of me getting sad, I feel left out *pout*. But then again I asked myself, what are those things that make me a feeble mortal and them so uber cool? So then I delved deep into research mode and came up with a few points which made it all so super easy for me to comprehend. So if you wish to be part of this lovely “family of superstars and socialites” all you need to do is the following:-

1)      Get acquainted (read chummy) with everyone you meet, be it at the dentists clinic, the laundry shop, the grocery store or the park.

2)      Ask them for their “Facebook Id”, add them up and then fraandsheep them forever.

3)      Have at least 500 friends on your Facebook list, any number that falls short of this mark is considered void and you are no longer in the “swindlers list”.

  4)      Own a BlackBerry smart phone; iPHONES are so out “yaar”.

 5)      Consequently write ‘bb pin *insert number* next to msn nicks and statuses so people know you have one.

6)      If people don’t get what bb pin is, explain the wonders of having a wonderful phone (show off when necessary).

7)      Go to Dubai for the weekend.

8 )      Attend every party/store opening/party/store opening in the last two days of the week (provided you aren’t in Dubai).

9)      Talk like a girl if you’re a guy and get your head shaved and be all macho if you’re a girl.

10)   ‘Go Green” before every world cup and show your solidarity, and as for the rest of the 340 odd days, well, ‘Pakistan is a bad place to live in yaawr!’

11)   Use the words “yawr” and “Jani” as excessively as you take in oxygen.

12)   Be associated with a theater play.

13)   Say “Pakistan has gone to the dogs’ and then take your dogs out for a walk in the evening, (How Ironic).

14)   Play Farmville

15)   Play Mafia Wars

16)   Set your privacy settings on Facebook full on so no one can write on your wall but then eventually end up clicking “like” to every news feed available.

17)   “Like” the silliest pages just because it says x y and z did so too.

18)   Wear the weirdest colors.

19)   Shave your chest hair if you’re a guy and if you’re a girl, well I will not go there.

20)   Go to Yusuf Salahuddins havaili to celebrate basant, if you haven’t done that well then you haven’t been baptized or circumcised just as yet.

21)   Somehow have contacts with Salman Taseer (Because if a douche like him can wear awful sunglasses and be on every damn page, then it wouldn’t harm if you shook his hand to get a picture taken either).

22)   Be a twit, I mean use Twitter (Can never get this right) and have at least 100 followers who pretend to give a fuck about what you’re posting so you in turn can also pretend to give a fuck about what they’re doing. Serene.

23)   Claim to be a political analyst because when you’re not busy watching awful soap’s on Star Plus and Star world, you literally rote whatever is being said on Geo Tv.

24)   Claim to give a fuck about what is going on in the world by dedicating your statuses to the people oppressed by bad governance and not know what bad governance means.

25)   Set your Facebook statuses to “Down with Israel” when the news reel shows something about it and as soon as there’s an advertisement that says IIFA awards, you immediately change it to “OMG like, Hrithik was looking SO hot”(Gender discrminiation is a serious felony… Hint Hint)

 26)   Use proxy servers to access Facebook even though you have a display picture that says “Boycott Facebook”.

27)   Call Zaid Hamid a national hero and claim to be a follower because at least someone talks sense in this world (I’m sure)..

 28)   Own stuff from every forsaken brand in the world and then say “malee halaat theek naheen yaar”.

29)   Call Musharraf a traitor when he’s not in power even though when he was in power, he was the Ultimate  “savior” …

 30)   Like Dino Ali.

31)   And last but not the least, have a gazillion contacts in newspapers who you can actually tell all the above mentioned stuff too and get fame in the matter of one week.

Dammit… I just realized.. I’M SO NOT WORTHY!!!!!!


15 thoughts on “Are we cool yet?

  1. 13) Say “Pakistan has gone to the dogs’ and then take your dogs out for a walk in the evening, (How Ironic).


  2. I went through your list hoping to be one of the popular ones, but failed miserably. I have a Blackberry, but with only hubby and daughter and one friend on BBM (sad arse), and i’ve got so few friends on facebook since opening a page last week, my daughter felt sorry for me and got all her friends to ‘like’ my page. None of them will be back, I suspect. So, like you, I will stay in the doghouse forever! Oh well, at least we’re following each other! Hahaha!

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